let's contemplate..

I have this special friend named John.
He was very
sweet and caring. He always checked on me and
treated me a 'special' person. Suddenly I realized,
I was falling for him. On March 14, he proposed to
me and we became a couple. He remained sweet
and loving to me. Every 14th of the month he
would say, "Cheska, I have to tell you
something..." but will not continue it and say it was
nothing. I became curious, was he about to break
up with me? But I continued to trust him. our
graduation is coming -- on March 14, 4 years
later. I knew that after this night, my family and I
would be leaving for the states. We knew this time
would come, and I never expected it to hurt so
much. But I have to go and leave him. We
promised to stay in touch and never forget each
other. he gave me a box of chocolates, flowers,
pictures of us together and a locket. and so, I left
with memories of John in my heart. We always e-
mailed each other and communicated. I told him
how I loved life here, I partied every Friday with my
friends, went shopping...I was living the life I
always wished I had. But I was never able to read
John's last letter because of my hectic schedule. I
promised myself to read it when I found the time.
Then suddenly, it stopped (his letters and e-
mails). I was wondering why he isn't writing to me
anymore. But I understand maybe he has work to
do. He didn't even greet me on March 14. After
several months still without communication, I found
time to read his last letter and it was the most
shocking moment in my life -- Cheska, This is my
last letter to you. remember when I was supposed
to tell you something important but was never able
to do so? I wanted to tell you that my "moment" (it
means death) is March 14, exactly 1 year later
after you left and 5 years after I proposed to you.
That was what the doctor said. I have this
sickness, I forgot what it was called. All I know is
that I'm going to die soon. I'm not telling you to
come back after reading this letter, I just wanted to
let you know that I will always love you and that
forever you will be in my heart. I love you Cheska.
Thank you for changing me. Thank you for
everything. Goodbye I'm gonna miss you Lots of
love, John I wanted to cry and shout his name.
March 14 was 3 months ago! He died 3 months
ago! And I never knew because I was so busy
enjoying my life here when someone I loved so
much was suffering from an unidentified sickness.
Up to this day I still feel guilty, I could have been
right beside John when he was ill, but I was here
partying and eating my heart out. I was so guilty.
He died. John died. Until his last breath he wanted
to be with me. But I wasn't there. I went back to the
Philippines and visited his grave. In it was
written, "To John, who loved Cheska so much,
may he forever rest in peace" And he died on
March 14. March 14, when this day comes, I cry,
laugh, think and feel guilty, this day I feel mixed
emotions. I hate myself. Why do I have to read his
last letter when it was too late? Why do I have to
leave anyway? These questions keep going on
my mind. But I can do nothing now. John is up
there. I guess he wanted me to be happy. I still
love John. And I miss him so much....

** it must have been hard noh? to be in Cheska's place? OMG, i would never know what to do. I swear i live my life to the fullest but i always think of things and people and, as much as possible, never to take them for granted. i have my flaws, and im always ready to accept them and contemplate on things i should have done instead. Life is too short, let's make benefit, worthy benefit of it. =) [yikes, am i that serious?] hehe